Phallomancy
by bgreenwivy
Summary: There are many ways to find out what type of person someone is. Draco employs one of the lesser-known ways in an attempt to see if him and Potter would suit. Madness ensues...not to mention slash and what happened to Snape!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, make any money from this and no copyright infringement was intended.**

**Those that are familiar with my writing know all about my writing exercises. This is one of them and hopefully you will like it. I definitely enjoyed writing it.**

'_Reading or thinking_'

'Talking'

Draco took a deep breath and centered himself. "My plan is flawless and it will not fail." Draco hummed to himself as he dressed entirely in black. Tight black leather pants, black Armani sweater, black soft skin boots and black leather gloves. Glancing in the mirror, he winked at himself as he pulled on the black beret. "Cat burglars have nothing on me." Draco smirked before checking that he had his parchment and his wand. Disillusioning himself, he slipped out of the Head Boy room and stealthily made for the Gryffindor common room.

His entrance was smooth and before he knew it, Draco was standing in the Gryffindor common room. Draco gaped at the glaring red and gold décor, the noise deafening chatter and the obvious good humor. Spotting his query starting towards the stairs, Draco hurried to follow. Surreptitiously casting awakening spells and longevity spells along the way to keep anyone from barging in and ruining his plan.

Harry had just slipped on his pajamas when Draco slipped in. Draco instantly felt as though he had been plunged into water. The roaring in his ears at the sight of Harry's muscular Quidditch honed body almost overcoming his common sense. When Harry bent over to place his things in the truck, Draco almost dove for him. Only Harry's quick hop into his waiting bed saved him from a mauling.

Draco silently gathered himself and mentally chanted his mantra as he made his way to the bed. Casting a quick sleeping spell on Harry, Draco waited a moment for it to take effect. Then after a quick check, Draco climbed onto the bed slammed the curtains shut and spelled them with every silencing and disturbance proof charm he knew. The air grew heavy with the magic he was expending so Draco removed his cap and shirt.

"It is only until I finish my test." Draco spoke aloud before taking off the disillusion spell. Neatly folding his clothes and placing them at the foot of the bed, he turned to study his sleeping query. "Alright Potter let's see if you are really as proportioned as the rumors say." Draco pulled the covers back down to Harry's knees. "What horrible pajamas." Draco winced at the red plaid monstrosity of Harry's pajamas.

Poking the material Draco could barely contain a shudder. "There is too much magic in the air already so I guess I have to do this the muggle way." Pulling off the black Italian leather gloves to keep them from sure ruin if they touched the flannel pajamas, Draco began to pull up the shirt. "Oh I can't do this." Draco growled sneering at the rough fabric that he had only been able to move three inches before his delicate sensibilities got the better of him.

"Thank you Quidditch." Draco breathed catching sight of the marvelously tan and sculpted stomach now on display. Draco temporarily forgot his disdain in his hurry. He unbuttoned the shirt, parted the material and felt his stomach drop. "Forget dressing better, why wear clothes at all!" Draco stared at the washboard abs, chiseled pectorals with chocolate kisses for nipples and just a smattering of hair between them.

Draco removed his hands from the shirt as though he had burned. "No this is scientific research I will not be swayed by a great body." Draco took a deep breath as he pulled out the parchment containing the information he would need to take an accurate reading. A roll of dressmakers measuring tape followed. Placing his hands on his thighs Draco steadied himself once more. Summoning some of the legendary Malfoy calm, Draco ghosted his hands down Harry's chest.

So what if he tweaked Harry's nipples or licked his abs on the way to his pants, it did not matter because by the time they reached their final destination his hands shook. Slowly, the band of the pants lifted up and with a furious yank came down. Draco opened his eyes not realizing he had closed them.

"Okay…" Draco brought his hands back and picked up his parchment. "Wait is he supposed to be soft or hard when I do this?" Draco almost cried in frustration. He failed to notice a green eye studying him covertly before closing again. "Damn mystics never giving proper instructions." Draco sighed glancing at his query. "Well in for lamb." Draco tentatively touched the penis in front of him and jumped back when it twitched. "You are Draco Malfoy you will not be scared off by a sleeping boys cock." Draco told himself.

Pulling the blankets all the way back to the foot of the bed, Draco positioned his body between Harry's legs, his face eye level with Harry's crotch. Studying the reason behind all his planning Draco took note of its slight stirring interest. Taking it in hand, Draco licked a stripe up the underside acquainting him with the flavor.

"Well at least he took a shower recently." Draco grumbled before he started sucking on the head and rolling his balls between his fingers. As Harry began to grow, Draco found himself enjoying what he was doing more and more. Grinding himself into the mattress in an attempt to ease the pressure Draco cursed his black leather pants. Moving his hands to loosen his pants, Draco continued to take more and more into his mouth. His jaw stretching wide and his throat working the head, Draco once again failed to notice the intense green gaze leveled at his blonde head.

"Finally!" Draco spoke, coughing slightly because of the workout his gag reflex had been receiving. Green eyes sparkled slightly before closing again. Draco meanwhile picked up the measuring tape and stretched it from the base to the tip.

"Okay so eight inches is considered long so that means…" Draco put his finger to the parchment looking for the section. "Long says, 'Some might call you over-confident...' This is Potter obviously." Draco added before continuing to read aloud. "'Long men are fantastic at picking up new tricks and extremely inventive lovers.'"

"Well at least I know that is accurate being fairly long myself." Draco nodded in satisfaction at his observation before moving on to the next one. Draping the tape around the base Draco took another measurement and stopped to read. "I don't know why I even measured, I already knew he classified as thick." Draco sighed in disgust before sitting Indian style between Harry's legs. Absentmindedly Draco's hand ran lightly up and down Harry's thigh as he read.

'_A man who has a thick penis reveals that your imagination comes into play backed by solid determination and fiery energy_."

"There is definitely something to this penis reading." Draco nodded before turning his attention back to the objection of his study. "Now smooth means you are adaptive. A bulbous tip means…" Draco blushed as he read, "a strong sex drive." Draco stilled as he read the next line. '_Sex and relationships are completely different things to you so your partners soon learn not to expect anything that you don't actually promise. What you do provide is all action and originality. Not bad if your partner knows beforehand, what they are getting into_.'

"That would explain that blasted Weasley." Draco nodded to himself after some more thought. "If he didn't make her any promises after Voldemort was vanquished she shouldn't have expected him to go back to her." Draco mentally cheered at the thought. His throbbing erection caught his attention. Looking down Draco sighed and gave a few tugs, mentally promising himself a thorough wank session for his show of restraint. "Only one to go and that is his hair." Draco glanced at the dark forest surrounding the leaking erection. "Definitely hirsute but trimmed nicely."

'_Strong, competitive and physical lover who will ask about past lovers, then proceed to put them all to shame._' Draco gulped slightly shifting. "Well this has been educational." Draco shifted up onto his knees and turned around to gather his things. Harry watched the leather pants creep slowly down torturing him before he finally snapped.

Harry sat up, grabbed Draco and swung him around. Draco yelped as he went from struggling to get into the sweater to having the sweater effectively cuffing him with his hands behind his back.

"Has anyone ever told you it's not polite to wake people who are sleeping or use spells to make people sleep?" Harry remarked pleasantly casting two wandless spells. One removed Harry's pants while the other lubricated Harry's fingers. Slipping them into the back of Draco's leather pants.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Draco denied as chilly fingers slid into his hot hole making him shudder and groan.

"Really?" Harry retorted encouraging Draco to inch closer. Draco complied walking forward on his knees until he was effectively poised over Harry's erection. Grinding down onto Harry's freed arousal, Draco's own leather encased one began to weep piteously.

"So I put you into a spell induced sleep but it didn't work, so I don't see why you have to be so upset." Draco ended up gurgling out the last as Harry laid back down, allowing Draco to rub forward to have friction on his crotch and back to have three fingers pressed deeply inside him.

"For someone so smart…, how do you think someone who can fight off the Imperious curse could not be able to fight off a simple sleeping spell?" Harry thought aloud, watching Draco's face, blush. Spelling Draco's pants off, Harry hissed when his erection encountered Draco's. Cupping Draco's ass with his cheeks spread, Harry began pull Draco higher.

"I had a plan and in it, the spell worked." Draco defended, knee walking higher on Harry's body, his arms still caught in the sweater. Draco's erection dribbled over Harry's six-pack and Draco was temporarily distracted watching his pre cum slide into the creases and funnel down. Harry took the opportunity to begin to work himself inside Draco's body.

Draco whimpered, forcing himself to relax as inch after inch entered and stretched him. Draco felt himself grow a little bigger as Harry went deeper. The heat started at his toes, worked its way up, tingeing his chest pink, and further flushing his already rosy face. "Oh God!" Draco shouted, letting his head fall back. Harry soothed him running his hands up and down Draco's thighs, fingers alternating between scratching and massaging the tense muscles.

"Obviously you need to plan better." Harry chuckled once the blush started to fade.

"No I just need to start combining them." Draco responded rising slowly before allowing gravity to sit him down again. Harry planted his feet and grabbed Draco's ass grinding him down into his crotch.

"Do tell." Harry asked amusement creeping into his voice as he began shallowly thrust into Draco's temporarily immobile body.

"You see…" Draco stopped his eyes glazing slightly.

"I see what?" Harry retorted his thrusts becoming shallower.

"The thing was…" Draco began to glare at Harry as the thrusting stopped.

"I'm listening." Harry replied innocently.

"Oh fine." Draco scoffed. "I expect a damn good fuck after this." Harry nodded his agreement.  
"I don't take Divination as you know but I went to the library in search of something mindless."

"Figuring Divination would do the trick." Harry added his thumbs making tiny circles on Draco's hipbones as he grinded against him encouragingly.

"Yes well if that drunk, Trelawney can teach it then surely…" Draco shook his head. "Anyway I found this book about alternative Divination techniques and how they give more accurate reading on people."

"So how exactly does that get to you spelling me asleep?" Harry enquired flipping them over so he was on top.

"AWWHH!" Draco yelled as his arms were wrenched slightly.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled sheepishly withdrawing from Draco's body.

"Put that back Potter!" Draco demanded glaring.

"One moment," Harry soothed. "Lift up some so the sweater can be worked over your feet."

"What am I a damned contortionist?" Draco scrawled as Harry lifted and he managed to get the sweater around until it was stuck at his ankles.

"This is an interesting development." Harry remarked eyeing the way Draco's ass was presented to him. "How long do you think you can hold that position?"

"What the hell!" Draco grumbled as he accidently hit himself. "I have my ankles by my ears, tangled in my bloody sweater and all you can think about it is…"

"Yes?" Harry encouraged his eyes twinkling.

"Never mind do continue…" Draco responded attempting to wiggle enticingly but only succeeding in hitting himself again.

"You first." Harry laughed as he reentered him.

"Ohhhh!" Draco gasped as Harry hit his prostate dead on.

"Draco." Harry chided.

"So Phallomancy is considered the most accurate way to read males and I wanted to make sure before I attempted anything that I knew everything I could." Draco gushed and Harry rewarded him with a few deep thrusts before stopping.

"Harry!" Draco whined.

"So you cooked up a plan to study me in order to see if you wanted what exactly?" Harry mused.

"What do you mean?" Draco panted.

"Sex, a relationship, funny party story…" Harry stopped moving as he ticked off the items.

"Will you keep moving if I say any particular one?" Draco sighed.

"The truth will be nice." Harry responded mildly.

"So would a relationship." Draco retorted irritated.

"I can do that." Harry agreed resuming his slow slide in and out of Draco's body. "What does Phallomancy mean?"

"Penis readings or reading the penis, now I have explained so fuck me harder." Draco demanded attempting to wiggle again but falling sidewise instead. Draco was ready to cry in despair but Harry adjusted and began to thrust in earnest.

"Oh please, oh please don't stop…" Draco gasped, his face buried in the sweater that had finally made it over his feet. Harry stopped. "Potter, I swear!" Draco looked up from the sweater, only to find his face in the pillow and his ass in the air. Speech completely left Draco as his orgasm sent liquid heat all through his body, bowing his back and straining his neck as he screamed to the canopy.

"Holy…!" Harry swore as he bottomed out deep inside Draco. Milking himself dry with Draco's still spasming body, Harry leaned and picked up the parchment Draco had been reading. Studying it thoughtfully, Harry laid down beside Draco.

Draco curled up against Harry's side and was snoring away within moments. Harry neatly wrapped one arm around the slender blonde while the other held the parchment.

"Since you think this describes me so well…" Harry studied Draco for a moment, planting a kiss between his eyebrows. Muttering a cleaning spell, Harry went back to his reading. Occasionally he would nod thoughtfully or frown but otherwise he did not make a sound. Some time later Draco stirred and opened his eyes. Blinking sleepily at Harry before his eyes focused on the parchment and he reddened.

"Give me that!" Draco demanded reaching for it.

"No I think I will keep it." Harry commented.

"What!" Draco demanded eyeing Harry cautiously. "Why?"

"This should be able to make Divination interesting or at the very least send Professor Trelawney to an early retirement." Harry responded his lips quirking in a grin. Draco could only laugh.

_The next day…_

"Potter what took you so long!" Draco demanded glaring from his position on his bed.

"I was avoiding Snape." Harry sighed wearily flopping on the bed beside Draco.

"Why?" Draco asked poking Harry in the side.

"I gave that book on alternative Divination to Trelawney in class this morning." Harry responded with a groan.

"And…?" Draco spoke straddling Harry. Lying on top of him Draco folded his hands on Harry's chest and rested his chin on them.

"Well apparently she had heard about Phallomancy and it was one of her specialties." Harry started to blush and Draco shuddered. "Then she said that she could tell the true nature of anyone at a glance."

"No!" Draco responded his eyes widening, his mouth twitching in attempts to keep his smile at bay.

"Yes and then when no one volunteered she took a deep drink out of her flask, looked thoughtful and decided that a male teacher would be the best bet." Harry gulped and Draco tried harder to contain his mirth.

"Well Flitwick has some creature blood and Hagrid's half giant, so it would not be as accurate." Harry sighed. "The seventh year divination class took a field trip to the Potions Lab where they were brewing a very temperamental potion."

"Oh please no more…" Draco rolled off Harry onto his side shaking with laughter.

"Then Trelawney asked Snape to whip it out in order to facilitate a hands on demonstration of the accuracy of Divination." Harry found himself smiling at the memory.

"I bet he took that well." Draco laughed, tears falling.

"He was speechless." Harry asserted. "Then Trelawney managed to shoot a spell at him to help the process. Snape ducked, the spell hit his cauldron, doused him with potion and now…"

"Is he okay!" Draco sobered enough to ask.

"Yes and no." Harry felt tears began to fall as his restraint collapsed. "Yes he is still himself mostly but his nose and his penis switched places."

**The END! Review Please.**


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